My body is on fire with telling me some hardcore truth and instructions to its needs!
So in the last month, I have totally eliminate:
Diary – (yes, sad to say cheese), Wheat, Gluten, Alcohol, Caffeine, and limiting nuts.
Some of this pains me to no longer be able to enjoy. I love it all so much! Some I have been trying to stop, I keep manipulating it back into my life for my own selfish gains.
Two nights ago, I didn’t sleep.
I was in so much pain, I had eaten something on the list above, and my body struck out. In the morning I got up and went for a walk, where I literally got slapped with my realisation.
A core wound around success and keeping myself small was playing out. Not allowing who I was born to come through to a new level of an identity I was too scared to integrate, to become. I uncovered a sophisticated pattern playing out with manipulation in my mind; it now seems so bloody obvious.
Still, it has kept me from genuinely integrating my last six weeks of my three-month healing journey.
You see, I asked for this growth, this new embodiment and this healing to take place.
I set aside three months, and I have been delving into parts of me I needed to heal and transcend.
I am starting new things, finding new ways of being and whatever I was drawn to or intuitively felt a hell yes, I am doing.
But deep down I have had fear coming through, this fear has been playing out subconsciously bring forth me doing things to make it harder for me to more to my next level of ascension and growth. Funny how the things I mentor, teach and preach were the warning signs right in front of me holding a great big flashing sign, but I was to blind to see. Love the irony in that, but shows how we are always learning and no one is different from another!
My journey with Ayahuasca so far
As I enter into the last five weeks of this epic uncovering, unravelling and rediscovering period within my life, I do it with a fresh realisation of how my body needs to let honoured always. I must release all the above from my life to be the best I can be in all areas of my inner and outer world.
To allow the transformation, the bigger picture, to be more than the urge of gratification in this minute, feeding an addiction, a thought, a temptation. Last night I released this pattern, and today, I embody a connection with myself that will not have me going back to old ways, old paradigms that never served me.
I find myself deep in an uncomfortable void of not knowing who I am or what is next. Articulating what is happening right now is not forthcoming, and I know I will share this journey with you more later, but for now, I simply release the control to know what is next and allow the integration and healing. I surrender it all.