Sex is power and sex can be used as a weapon in a relationship. Sex is power and love and it is a sensual dance between the two when bodies are wrapped in the pure exploration. But what I am speaking of is when deep love is not present, what does sex mean to you?
Let me explain as I used to use sex for ONLY power. WHY? I didn’t know any other way. For me sex was a weapon I could used to my advantage when I needed it. Here’s my story:
I was sexually abused by two different men when I was growing up. So, I detached myself from my womanly ways as a sensual sexual woman who was worthy of love. I completely shut that down within me. You see, when it happened twice I went into a space of think that it must be me and that I must be attracting it. Because I thought this sort of thing doesn’t happen twice to someone, so I must be asking for it… seriously I was so young, scared and confused!
Why I used sex as a weapon
I decided that if I was in control I would not be hurt again, so I decided to use this power to my advantage to realign to the understanding sex was something I just had to do in arelationship. I disconnected from the emotions and intimacy of it and I used it the only way I knew how.
SEXY BECAME MY POWER TOOL!
Then my programming became: if I am good in the bedroom they won’t leave me!
If I give in to 100% of what they want then they will stay and they will love me!
If I sleep with them straight away they will stick around because why else would they!
And the list goes on!!
I had a saying that I never had a one night stand because they always came back for more… POWER!
I dedicated myself to be what they wanted and needed. I became a master at reading a man’s needs. And I became so disjointed that soon I needed drugs to even enjoy sex as they made me powerful and elusive so I stopped caring.
I had formed such a detachment within myself that my feminine needs in any way were never meet. In the bedroom or in any area of my life.
When I stopped having sex
Eight years ago I broke up from a long term partner and I decided to have three years with no male in my life. I decided to find me in amongst all the chaos and confusion. I decided to connect to my sexuality and uncover what I/me really liked and truly wanted.
About three months shy of three years I meant my now husband. I made him wait two months before we had sex. We got to know each other. We had already formed a friendship as we spoke for three months before we even meet each other, so the next level was to build intimacy. I won’t lie it was a rollercoaster of understanding and surrendering. Of understanding and exploring… the exploring was fun lol… And it was the biggest emotional trip of my entire life.
What is sex when you’re in love
Wow, sex is still power but of a different way when you have love, joy, fun and you know what you desire.
And you definitely stop using sex as a weapon when you’re in deep love!
I had been living in blame shame and guilt for so many years. I built a coping mechanism to numb the pain, and of controlling men so I didn’t get hurt. And I hated myself that much through deep trauma and pain that I believe I had created that, I had to hide from myself the most sacred part of me, my feminine divinity. I did not allow myself to fully feel, yes I loved having sex but to surrender and be made love to … HOLLY SHITBALLS HAD I BEEN MISSING OUT!
When we release the trauma we have trapped in our bodies, the blockages and the programming to something that is not pleasure and we truly start connecting to ALL of ourselves to become something of pure love and joy the flow-on effect in our lives is magnificently explosive.
Reconnect with yourself
I honor you for where you are on your journey of discovery. If you are feeling disconnection and I encourage you to start to unravel the mysteries of your body. To start to understand if you have some disconnection within you. We all hold trauma, programming, and pattens to why we are how we are, but the most magical thing is we can all shift into being of oneness with ourselves if we are real to learn and uncover the truth.
This is what I do! I help people reconnect to themselves by removing trapped trauma and then reprogramming. If you feel you want to talk and I am here to listen.
Remember our past does not define our future. We can change who we are now with choices and by plunging into the sacred place of oneself. Uncover who you are truly by embedding what is pleasure, joy, and happiness.
Sending you so much love
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