What an Ayahuasca retreat showed me about my life
ayahuasca journey


I know the last week I have been still, just like a church mouse. The reason being I am processing my most significant healing journey to date. I sat with the Grandmother of plant medicine, “Ayahuasca”, just over a week ago.

What is Ayahuasca actually?

Ayahuasca means “vine of the soul”, and it takes you into a dream state the removes your mind so you can see, probably for the first time, all barriers are removed.

Ayahuasca takes you on a journey of truth, your truth.

It shows you what you need to know to embody new levels of altered states of consciousness and heal to come back to purity within yourself.

It is a spiritual journey of enlightenment like nothing else. I hold tremendous respect and love for the sacred plant. She takes you into a state of dream consciousness, where you relinquish the mind, and she shows you what you need to see. She also shows you what you don’t, which is above all what you must see. It is a humble experience, and it was life-changing!

What happened during my experience with Ayahuasca

During my journey, she was kind, gentle and she held me while I saw my truth. The truth of our life existence, of who I am. It was my journey and one I am still unpacking and understanding at a depth of my soul what she brought to me. The visions have so many messages, and the more I sit with them, the more I see and feel.

Some of it was extremely uncomfortable as it is not all light shows and euphoria. I saw the most profound things I feared, my deepest truths, what I need to heal. It was the most potent and scariest thing I have ever done. I hold it with such respect for what it is, for what it is doing for me. The Grandmother has been my greatest teacher, and I am honoured to have sat with her and grateful for what she brought to me.

What happens after my Ayahuasca journey

For the last few nights, I have sat with meditation, alone with myself, and I have processed so much grief I had stored in my body. I have cried beautiful tears of release.

I have not known for many what is attached to these beautiful drops, but they are a gift to me. A gift so I can no longer hold the sadness in my body. With every transcending tear, a new space is open for something new.

We also did a fire ceremony of forgiveness to release the anger, hurt and sadness we have held within us. I have saved so much in my heart, causing emotional hurt, renting space that should be for love. I realised I did not need to, as all these experiences and emotions have taught me a magical lesson. They have helped me grow. But now, it was time to let it all go. To purify my body, mind and soul back to love.

Surrendering to The Grandmother, Ayahuasca

The masks I removed, and the things I shed as I sat with the scared Grandmother and surrendered to my journey was life-altering. I saw my worthiness, and I saw that I was deserving of deep pleasure in life. I saw my need to relinquish control and to let go.

What’s next!

Next month I am partaking in a ten-day plant medicine journey to cement and amplify what I am currently moving through. I am ready for the rebirth of who I am, ready to become an energetic magnet for what beauty lies ahead for me and most of all, prepared to do what it takes to heal what I need.

I want to become the purest human I can be that lives in a state of love-consciousness. To lead by example and not just with words. I have seen my purpose; I know what I have to do. After coming so far, I have yet so much more transformation to undergo.

The space of love I sit in for all humankind and the earth goddess is like nothing I could ever have imagined.

We must relinquish all we know, all we think we know, to move to a new altered level of consciousness. This is when we will indeed be free.

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