Validation has been my secret drug of choice…
I became a seeker of compliments and affirmations to feed my ego. Likes and comments on social media meant so much because it added to my addiction to living in a space of feeding on the next hit of validation from any source I could find. Craving likes was part of my life.
Why do we end up craving likes
I fed my ego so I could feel I was good enough.
It would build my confidence levels to a place I felt I had some power through the validation of others.
I would go looking for acknowledgement that I looked good to feed my self-love and acceptance for myself even though I didn’t like any of what I saw in the mirror.
I simply lived in a space of not feeling and thinking I was ever good enough. I lived in a space of comparison and of so much self-loathing. I needed others to validate me so I felt strong, loved and worthy. I needed validation that the shitty things I had just done were okay, searching for the sympathy and reassurance from others.
You know what I am talking about, RIGHT?!
I see it all so clearly.
1. Need for confirmation
When you read someone’s post saying “I have energetically released this person…” and, you know deep down there are two sides to every story. You feel the hurt of the persons posting, the need for recognition of love lost through validation of others, and the need of confirmation they did the right thing!
Need for kindness
Or you have had a shitty week and you post about how you came out the other side and you are looking for the hit of love within and nothing else is working – the warmth of others’ loving kindness to make you feel better and that it is going to be okay!
Need for validation
When you reach out to an old love “just to say hi” so they tell you how hot you are looking and how the worst thing they ever did was breaking up with you. You don’t want them back, but that hit is required to validate that you are amazing!
Or: We start a diet or go to the gym to appease someone else to get that hit of validation we are doing amazingly in our life when inside we feel like shit!
Need for confidence boost
You repost a memory when you were doing so unbelievably well just to get the confidence boost of” WOW you are amazing!” when in reality things are breaking down around you. But that one hit and you will be able to get back into it!
Or: You look in the mirror and just feel yuck so you take that selfie to add the best filter, post, and wait for the comments and likes! YEAY I AM BEAUTIFUL, see everyone thinks so!
Craving likes is external validation
YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!
This is ALL external validation. All ego-driven because she needs to be fed as the voices are so loud to you not being good enough… quick give me the HIT! We look outside for validation to our actions, emotions, and feelings when we simply don’t feel right about ourselves!
Pretty human, right? And let’s be honest – we have ALL done it!😉
The BIG downside is when I didn’t get this validation, I went into self-sabotage mode. I would crash and I would go into self-destruct mode.
If I didn’t get enough comments or likes on FB “I would think I was doing something wrong”
I would put on a few kgs and the comments would stop, “Oh my God I am fat”. So to hide the disappointment and insecurity I had formed I would go on a binge of alcohol and food.
My addiction for validation was taking over my life. I was being led into the world of make-believe that this world has created, where we all look externally for our happiness.
I had once again in some way given away my power through the disconnecting of my inner world!
When I finally stopped craving likes
My breaking point was when I felt distracted eight years ago and I realized this had to stop. I had stopped getting validation as I went into hiding. I didn’t leave the house for 7 weeks. I was 15kgs bigger than I am now, I had numbed the pain with prescription drugs, I was drinking 2 bottles of wine on average a night and a few beers. I hated myself and I spoke to myself like I was a piece of garbage. I got so caught up in my head that the panic attacks crippled me. I went into a deep depression and a huge downward spiral.
I woke up one morning on the bathroom floor, a bottle of valium by my head. Luckily, I passed out before I did something really stupid!
TIME TO CHANGE ONE WOULD THINK!
💥I started looking within for my own validation!
💥I started owning my shit!
💥When I fuck up, I own that too.
💥When things get out of whack, and trust me they still do, I learn from it, then I would look for the life lessons!
I am not perfect but I love this imperfect divine Queen I know am. Every day, I help shift her into a better person by meeting and guiding her where she needs to go! Together we grew, we formed a friendship that grew into deep extraordinary LOVE. I learned to listen to what she needs and most of all provide it for her. I look within for the answers and silence the crazy external world. I learned to stop validating myself through the comparing of others.
A life removing validation will equal FREEDOM!
A life connecting to your soul and your soul work, deciding what you want and not what others do, will be pleasure, joy and peace. I have had the most success in business when I tuned into what I wanted intuitively, not what everyone else was doing or expecting of me.
How I grew from these experiences
My biggest growth was through the beautiful alignment to self! My biggest success in business was through feeling into what felt good and doing that! It sounds so simple, and it is, yet we over complicate it so much.
THAT JUICY DEEP CONNECTION TO SELF WILL ALWAYS SET YOU FREE!
That one you need no one else to rock your world, to give your validation to what you are doing and tell you you are amazing because I can tell you, YOU ARE!
Through awareness, we grow and with acknowledgement to what is really happening within us, our personal truth – we thrive.
PS: Join the sisterhood! Here’s the link to my FREE facebook group !