I always thought love and life was a dress rehearsal. Like I was an extra playing a part. Never a lead, but always a character in the movies or I had a part in a TV program.
Funny thing is I always thought I was starring in this drama series, a movie is over too quick and my drama just kept on going and going and going. Where was my lead role in a love story or comedy series ever going to come?
If it did what sort of actor would I be, would i know how to act in a love scene ? walk down the aisle to get married how do I do that ? I love to laugh so I know I can do that but how do I keep that laughter going so it becomes a long term thing ? So is it easier to stay in a role of an actress in a drama ? Yes I know this, it’s not the place I want to be by all means but I am good at it, I am comfortable with it, Its all I know
Most of my life I felt I had to act. I had to be this person when I was around this group of people and then someone else when I was around others. I Just moulded into the part. More so because I just wanted to be liked. I learned how to adapt to be how they like people (me) to be, what made them happy and like a good actress I became that person.
Some would say that is so fake, yes I guess but I still held a piece of me within, I never totally let that little girl go, some parts of it were still me, when i was brave enough to show her but it was never for very long. I called it survival. I called it wanting deeply to be loved and to belong. Wanting never to be abandoned again as I had so deeply as a child.
I truly never knew who I was, like really knew. I never knew my biological father. I never felt like I ever fitted in. I was always scared people would leave me if I didn’t fit a mould and as long as I could hide behind those masks I could be anyone. I wasn’t hurting anyone was I ? I would have given my last dollar just to be liked and even better the shirt off my back to be loved!
Yes I was hurting someone I loved so deeply that I lost who that person was. I lost ME ! The most important person in my life ! I lost her, I hid, I hated myself, I doubted myself at every turn. I punished myself time and time again.
So does this resonate with anyone else ? Do you ever feel like you are in a movie playing a part ? Even in one part of your life. Do you wish you could play the part you deep down feel you were born to play but don’t know how or what that is ? I always wished mine was a romance or a family movie with a Mum and Dad… you get it right!
Dose it feel like you are playing a part that this is not quite your life ? When you look at yourself do you just judge yourself ? Are you happy with who you are ? Do you need to pretend to be someone else ? Do you have different masks you wear depending on who you are with or what they are doing ?
I get it, I always thought I had to wear them everyday.
When I learnt how to take each mask off I was wearing and uncover the hidden me, the real me, the me that didn’t have to live in a constant drama that was my life. I could live in that romance. At the start I really sucked but with time and opening myself up I became the lead actress in that movie. I didn’t have to hide in the shadows and just be liked.
I could be loved !
I was loved !
I was loved by my friends, my family. And when I really opened up, found my power, took about 30 masks off, found who I was I was connected to the love of my life!
Fuck I love this movie !
When you realise that you create your reality, you write your life script no one else.
When you stop starring as a extra in everyone else’s mini-series and you star in your own. You can be authentically and unapologetically YOU!
You stand in your own power !
Your can relaunch the “real” YOU !
You can do this and YOU CAN DO IT RIGHT NOW. No mater what the past roles where you played. What matters is that you stop auditioning in everyone else’s life and start playing YOU in your life !
PLAY IN YOUR POWER !
PLAY IN YOUR DIVINE LOVE !
PLAY IN YOUR DIVINE BODY !
IS IT TIME TO RESET, RELOAD AND RELAUNCH THE REAL YOU ?
“OPEN YOU MIND & CONQUER YOUR WORLD”
PS: photo by the EPIC Iain Smith ❤️